Dying for Pie
by Lorelai.lilith
Summary: A parody fic of a Spongebob episode. Gajeel feeds Levy a pie that's really a bomb! Can he make her final hours the best she's ever had? Also, Mirajane has seen it all.


Greetings to those reading this. This is going to be my third attempt at a parody fic which will be based around an early episode of the Spongebob cartoon with the characters of Fairy Tail instead. The intro will be a bit different from the episode's but the plot is still the same. Do take your time reading it so you can enjoy it please. As usual, you may comment freely as long as you're polite if you're going to be writing a negative review. I'll still be checking in to make corrections so feel free to point out errors of spelling and grammar if you want to. Enjoy the fic.

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><p><strong><em>"Dying for Pie"<br>_**

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><p>It was nice day in Magnolia town, a great day for most people except for one person who had a ragged mane of black hair and multiple piercings. This man known as Gajeel Redfox a.k.a. the Iron Dragon Slayer was grumbling as he walked toward the Fairy Tail guild, dreading what day it was. To explain, today was known as 'Fairy Tail Brotherhood Day' which was when all the members of the guild would exchange gifts with the person they were paired up with. The last thing he wanted to do was give a gift to someone he didn't like enough to give them a gift but it was mandatory for all members to participate hence him going to the guild despite dreading today.<p>

As he approached guild and was walking along side toward the front door he saw someone looking at him eagerly through the windows and following along side him as he walked, being a petite blue-haired girl known as Levy McGarden a.k.a. the person he has to exchange gifts with today much to his own annoyance. He didn't exactly hate her, he just was annoyed by her in general and thus ignored as he walked through the front door.

"Hi Gajeel! Did you see me?" Levy asks with a smile and a wave as Gajeel just walks by without a word or a look. "Okay, see you later." she waves again and goes of to do her own thing. Gajeel finds himself a seat and plants himself to it as he grumbles. It was there that a white-haired woman named Mirajane a.k.a. the person who came up with the idea of Fairy Tail Brotherhood Day, comes over to over him a greeting and a drink. "Good morning Gajeel." she says cheerfully.

Gajeel replies by sticking out his tongue and drinking from his mug. "So are you ready today?" Mirajane asks, ignoring his previous gesture. "To get out of here and sleep for the day?" Gajeel asks, finishing his drink and setting it aside. "No, I obviously mean if you're ready to give your gift to Levy in honor of Fairy Tail Brotherhood Day." she replies, resulting in Gajeel grumbling as he stands up again. "You listen here, you can tell me to do many things I don't like or humiliate me in many ways but there's no force in Heaven or Earthland that will make me want to be 'Brotherly' toward..." he points a finger at Levy. "Her!"

Levy was currently sitting at a table, engaged in a recent novel of hers. She was really into it as she makes a cheerful laughter followed by a startled gasp, followed by crying out loud as tears flow down her cheeks, followed by recovering and wearing a happy grin as she cheered. All her random emotions were rather humorous to the other members as she tended to reflect what the mood was in the book she was reading with herself as she read it. "You know, that grumpy attitude of yours toward her is the main reason this special occasion was created." Mirajane wagged a finger at Gajeel who simply grumbled. "Oh joy for me..."

"Anyways, pay attention since it's time for you two to exchange gifts. Come on over Levy!" Mirajane calls as Gajeel groans, watching the small reader sets down her book and come over to them with something behind her back. "Gajeel." Levy smiles as she looks up to the man that frowns back at her. "In honor of Fairy Tail Brotherhood Day and in honor of you being a follow member of the guild here's my gift to you." She then pulls out a what appears to be a thick hand-made sweater from behind her back, getting a look of surprise or maybe horror from Gajeel.

"I... heart... U" he reads as he sees the letters 'I' and 'U' with a heart in between them printed all over the sweater. What's more shocking is the hearts had his face on it, even the piercings were add on. "Well try it on Gajeel! After all it's got 'you' written all over it!" Mirajane laughs at the pun she made as Gajeel grumbles and takes the sweater, working his way into it. "Wasn't sure how big to make the hole for the head so I used a watermelon for measurement!" Levy adds while Gajeel finds the head hole and it turns out to be too big for his head. "Do you love it?" Levy asks, very eager to know his answer.

"It's kind of itchy actually. What is this thing made of anyways?" Gajeel asks as he scratches all over himself. "Eyelashes!" Levy points to her eyes which seem to lack eyelashes. Upon hearing this Gajeel decided there was no way he was going to wear this sweater so he yanks it off and throws it back at Levy's face. Levy puts it off, her eyes filling with tears as she starts whimpering. "Okay, now that it's been done can I go now?" Gajeel turns to Mirajane who shakes her head.

"You have to give your gift now Gajeel." Mirajane tells him with a frown, seeing him trying to get out of this. "I'll buy her a book okay? There's no way that can fail." Gajeel crosses his arms while having a stare down with Mirajane. "No, the rule is it has to be hand-made. That means you make it yourself." Mirajane explained while Gajeel started to walk away. "The only thing I'm 'making' is for the front door." He opens the front door to see Levy standing there, crying and holding up a sweater made of water. How she made it was a good question.

"Do you like this one any better Gajeel?" she sobs, looking up to him with teary eyes. "This one is made from my tears!" she keeps crying as Gajeel groans and decides to walk off to an empty room in the guild so he could have some peace and quiet to think about what to make for Levy. Mirajane just smiles as she watches him walk by. "Make her something nice. I know you can do it if you try hard." Gajeel just mutters something as he enters a smaller empty room.

"This is all so stupid!" he shouts. "Why can't I just buy that book for the bookworm, it's a perfect gift!" As he paces, trying to think about what he can make for her he gets distracted by some sounds coming from outside and voice. "Come on, put your backs into it!" Gajeel looks out of a nearby window and sees a group of people loading what appears to be a large sack of pies onto a ship. Leaving through the window he finds a group of pirates at work, a pirate captain leading the whole operation. "If you drop a single slice of the booty I'll have... your booty!" the captain shouts.

"Hey, can I have one of those home-made pies?" Gajeel asks as he approaches the pirates, figuring that he could just give it to Levy while telling Mirajane he made it himself. This should get this day over with soon enough. "The pies? Those pies aren't home-made actually they were made in a factory. A bomb factory. They're actually bombs." One pirate explains to Gajeel who grumbles. "Well that sucks. I was going to buy one since I thought they were pies." The pirate captain, seeing this as an opportunity, jumps on that offer. "Hold everything!"

He jumps off the ship and grabs a 'pie' before which he hands it over to Gajeel. "All that bomb stuff was just a joke to scare off thieves but if you're willing to buy it'll be 2500 Jewels." Gajeel sniffs at the pie for a moment, making sure it is a pie and seems convinced. "So what flavor is it?" he asks, getting random responses from the crew that were also going along with the deal. "Blueberry!" "Apple!" "Cherry!" "Grape!" Gajeel shrugs and pays the captain. "Well it'll do. If anything Levy will love it still and Mirajane will get off my back." He returns back to the Fairy Tail guild with the pie in hand.

**0o0o0o0o0**

"Okay, here you go!" Gajeel says as he finds Mirajane in a room tending to some paperwork, setting the pie before her on the desk. "It's fresh from the oven and there's no iron in it so it's safe for Levy to eat. So, I'll be going to get something to eat myself now." as he was about to leave Mirajane looks over the pie and stops him. "Hold on now, I got to make sure you did a good job so that it really is okay for Levy to eat. Don't want her getting sick now." she plucks a piece off the pie and slowly brings it up to her mouth before pausing.

"Hold on..." she then smiles. "Some milk will go great with this! Now where was it... There!" She gets up and walks over to a bottle of milk left on a nearby barrel, but before she reaches it she trips over a book, causing her to throw the bit of pie she was holding at the bottle of milk which it makes contact with. **(Imagine that happening in slow motion.)** Outside of the guild some nearby civilians jump when a huge explosion blows up a portion of the back wall of the guild leaving a hole in it. The room was destroyed in the blast and many pieces of debris were scattered inside and outside of the blast zone.

Outside of the blast zone and outside of the guild itself were both Gajeel and Mirajane, turned completely black in body and clothes from the explosion that left them injured, burned and smoking. Gajeel groans and Mirajane coughs as they both slowly get up, Mirajane soon glaring at Gajeel after catching her breath. "So, the newest means of assassinating people is by blowing them to pieces with baked goods is it?" she starts dusting herself off while Gajeel is stuttering, trying to explain himself. "N-Now hold on, I swear it isn't what it looks like..."

Meanwhile while Gajeel is explaining himself to save his life, the explosion had caught some attention in the guild itself, namely Levy who got startled out of reading her book since she was closest to the explosion and decides to see what was going on. "Hello? Mirajane, are you okay in there? I heard a loud explosion just now." she asks as she enters, looking around at the destroyed room. "What happened... wait, is that a pie?" she loses her focus as she spots the rest of the pie on the desk Mirajane was just at, walking over to it.

She looks it over and finds a card on it, reading it out loud. "From Gajeel, To Levy... Well, here you go." she smiles, feeling loved after what happened earlier. "Aw, Gajeel is so nice! He really does care about me!" About this time was when Gajeel had finished is explanation to Mirajane who just glared at him with her arms crossed the whole time. "So basically, instead of making the gift like you're supposed to, you bought Levy a pie that turns out to be a bomb?" Gajeel cringes but nods to say she's correct.

"Look, can we just forget about the gift for now? We've got a bomb on our hands and we need to get rid of it!" Mirajane nods as she scratches her head. "A bomb..." A few moments pass before both of their eyes widen as terror fills them both. "THAT'S IN THE GUILD!" they both screamed as they rush back to the hole in the wall and into the room, looking around frantically for the pie. "You set it on the desk didn't you?" Mirajane asks while Gajeel nods. "I did but it isn't here anymore! Where did it go when that explosion happened?"

"Hi you two! Wow, you both look messy, are you okay?" They both turn to Levy who was sucking on her fingers and rubbing her stomach at the same time like she just ate something. "Well, it seems you're fine. Also thanks for the pie Gajeel! You're a good friend!" she leaves the room humming happily to herself while Gajeel stares in horror and Mirajane glares at him. "You just had to kill her didn't you?" Gajeel flinches as Mirajane speaks those words. "She makes you a sweater from her eyelashes and cries you a sweater from her tears and you kill her with a pie that's a bomb... how you're going to live with yourself?"

"Kill her?" Gajeel mutters. He imagines Levy humming happily as she walks over to her blonde-haired friend Lucy. "Hi Lucy!" she waves which Lucy responds too. "Hi Levy!" Lucy smiles as she waves back and is startled when Levy suddenly explodes, sending pieces of herself raining everywhere in the guild while all the members look baffle at what just happened. Gajeel snaps out of his thoughts and turns to Mirajane. "We can't just leave it like this, we have to get that pie out of her somehow! Call the medics or something!" he didn't want this happened. He didn't like her but he would never intentionally kill her.

Mirajane just shakes her head, crossing her arms. "That won't work. I've seen this before and there's no helping her. There's no known method to safely remove a bomb and if you try to force it out of her you'll end up setting it off. Once that pie finishes it's quest, that is, it hits her lower intestine... BOOM!" Gajeel cringes, realizing Levy's time was limited now and also a bit confused at what Mirajane just said. "Wait, you've seen this before?" he asks to which she nods. "Eleven times actually. Poor mages." she simply bows her head while Gajeel runs to the nearest phone and calls a doctor.

"Hello doctor, I have an emergency! Someone has swallowed a bomb! What, nothing you can do? Eleven times?" he hangs up the phone and hangs his head in defeat as he walks back to Mirajane. "Well, she's a goner. How are we going to tell her?" Mirajane wraps her arm around him and leads him to the door of the room. "We're not, it would only make things worse." she opens the door slightly as they both peek out a Levy reading her book again. "Way I see it, the longest she has is until sunset before that pie runs it's course. Why ruin her last day in Earthland? She deserves to enjoy her last few hours."

Gajeel nods, looking at Levy for a bit more time before realizing something as steps back from the door. "Alright then, that'll be my gift to her. I'm going to make her last few hours the best she's ever had. There will be love this time, so much of it that she'll drown in it and die happy!" he opens the door and leaves closing it. He opens it again. "Drown in it!" he repeats before leaving Mirajane in the room. Mirajane stands there for a moment before pulling out a notepad and pen. "Note to self. Keep a good distance from Gajeel for now." she writes.

**0o0o0o0o0**

Levy was humming as she enjoyed her book when Gajeel approaches her, giving a small sigh before getting her attention. "Hey, Levy." Levy puts her book down and looks up to him. "Yes Gajeel?" she smiles, which was killing him since she was oblivious to her own demise. "Well, I forget to mention that I had a part two to your gift." he answers which makes Levy eager as she starts bouncing in her seat. "Part two? Part two, Part two, Part two!" Gajeel flinches and puts a hand on her shoulder to make her settle. "It would be nice if you didn't do that." he says, fearing that she might explode sooner if she is moving too much like that.

"So what's part two?" Levy asks, looking very excited while Gajeel tries to come up with how to say it. "Well, what's the most fun thing you can think off besides reading. I'll do whatever that is with you for the day." he watches as Levy grins and looks in surprise as she pulls out a long sheet of paper from out of nowhere. Great, she has a list. "Actually, I have a lot of them so I make a list of them. It's my 'Friendship List'." she smiles while Gajeel forces one himself as he takes the list. "Well, let's see what's here then..." he begins looking it over.

"The things that are extra fun are written in red." Levy states to which Gajeel grins nervously as he looks over the list. "Everything is in red..." he replies earning a big grin and a wink from Levy. "I know!" Gajeel sighs, knowing it was going to be a long day. "Well, we should get started on this list now if you want to finish it up before you die." he quickly realizes his mistake. "Of anticipation." he quickly adds. "Then's lets go!" Levy points a finger outward as she heads to the front door with Gajeel. "See you later everyone!" she waves cheerfully earning a similar response from the guild members while Mirajane breaks into loud sobs as she watches them leave.

"Wow, I hope Mirajane is okay." Levy tells Gajeel as she notices this before they leave. Gajeel sighs, wishing now he had just made his gift instead. "I'm sure she'll be fine. Anyways, what do we do first regarding the list?" Levy points a finger at the top of the list. "Well, the first thing on my list is to show my best friend Gajeel to everyone in town!" she wraps and arm around Gajeel who gives a slight grumble but decides to go with it anyways.

"Hi there! This is my best friend Gajeel!" Levy cries to a random civilian walking by while holding hands with Gajeel. Gajeel makes a smile small but the civilian just walks by ignoring them. Then they're by some kids playing in a park. "Hi kids, this is my best friend Gajeel!" Levy cries to them. Gajeel manages a small smile until one of the kids throws a rock at his head, making him flinch. Now they're by some random guy on a bench. "Hi there! This is my best friend Gajeel!" Levy cries to him. "Hi Greg." Gajeel says, already knowing this guy himself. This continues on for a good while longer until they finally finish.

"I'm glad that's over with..." Gajeel grumbles as he rubs his head. Levy is now checking it off her list. "Now on to the next thing." she says which makes Gajeel look toward her. "Which would be..." Levy looks up to him eagerly while pointing her pen at him. "I'm going to show my best friend Gajeel to everyone in town wearing a dragon suit!" Gajeel raises a brow at this. "You're going to be wearing a dragon suit?" he asks, to which Levy giggles. "That's a good one Gajeel!"

"Of course..." Gajeel mutters as he's now in a cartoony dragon suit while Levy shows him to everyone in town again. When they get to the same group of kids he gets pelted by rocks they all throw at him. He feels great relief as that task is finally done.

Check!

"Now it's time for knock-knock jokes." Levy says as she and Gajeel sit next to a wall. "Hey Gajeel, knock-knock." Gajeel gives a sigh as he answers. "Who's there..." Levy starts to giggle. "I am!" she breaks out into laughter as Gajeel chuckles weakly. "Very true..."

Check!

"Beep, Beep, Beep! Step aside, friends in reverse! Beep, Beep, Beep!" Levy mimics the sound of a big truck backing up as she and Gajeel walk through town backwards.

Check!

Both of them are now making funny noises with their tongues sticking out while moving their hands in front and away from their faces.

Check!

"Okay, make a right turn here and stop!" Levy says as she's tied to Gajeel's head by a rope around her waist as he walks around with her like that. It was pretty easy really considering how light she was. "There you go. See, that's what it'll be like if I was your face!" she explains. "I can't breathe..." Gajeel says in a muffled voice as he speaks into her lower back.

Check!

Okay, now it was getting ridiculous as Gajeel was laying on an operating table with his chest cut open, exposing is heart which Levy is poking at since she's playing as a doctor. "I'm not sure if you should be poking it like that..." Gajeel comments. Levy just looks toward him, pulling her mask down. "Don't worry I know what I'm doing. I'm the doctor here." As soon as she says this Gajeel's heart springs a leak as blood shoots up like a tiny fountain.

Check!

The rest of the day was spent like this, him keeping her entertained so that she would be happy until the moment the pie finishes it's quest of bringing her demise. They were currently sitting on a low wall as Levy looks over her list. "Wow, we've got a lot done today. Now all that's left is the last thing which is..." she's cut off when Gajeel interrupts her. "Does it involve anymore dismemberment?" he asks, now having an 'X' bandage over his chest from earlier. If this girl was trying to kill him she sure was being subtle about it.

"No, it's watching the sunset with Gajeel." Levy giggles, while Gajeel looks horrified upon hearing that one word. "Sunset..." he murmurs as a thought bubble appears next to him, containing Mirajane. "Way I see it, the longest she has is until sunset before that pie runs it's course." she repeats. "Hey, it's Mirajane. Hello Mirajane!" Levy says, able to see the thought bubble as well. Mirajane looks at Levy and runs off crying as the bubble disappears. "Okay, see you later." Gajeel sighs as he picks up Levy. "Let's go then. If you want that sunset, you got that sunset." he says as he walks off to find a good spot.

**0o0o0o0o0**

Later the two of them were laying on the side of a big hill outside of town, watching the sun slowly dropping down to the horizon. "Ah, the sunset sure is beautiful isn't it Gajeel." Levy smiles as she feels at peace while Gajeel just seems nervous, knowing the time is going to be any minute now. "Yeah, it is..." he replies. " Levy stretches her arms out. "Yeah, this is perfect, just the three of us here. You, me, and this brick wall you built between us." she motions to the wall that Gajeel had made between them since he wanted to avoid getting killed when she exploded. "Yeah..." Gajeel chuckles weakly.

"You know, sunsets always remind me of bowls of fruit. What do they remind you of Gajeel?" Levy asks. Gajeel has another thought bubble appear next to him, this one showing Levy running and laughing until she suddenly explodes. "Explosions... Oh, I mean, Erosion! Yeah, that's it!" Gajeel quickly corrects himself. "You know, if for some reason I was to die right now in an explosion due to the carelessness of a friend, well that would be okay. I mean, I got to have a great day and even see the sunset at the end so if I do explode, I can die happy." Gajeel feels touched by her words almost tearing up when he's brought back to reality by a loud belch.

Levy blushes a bit as she covers her mouth. "Wow, that was a surprise. Felt like something just dropped into my lower intestine." she sniffs the air for a moment. "It smells like Cherry. Or is it Apple? Maybe it's grape?" she gets distracted as she sees the sun almost down. "Here it comes, the sunset! I always love to count it down as it happens. Five! Come on Gajeel, you finish it up!" Gajeel swallows as he watches the sun getting lower. "Four... Three... Two... One!" He closes his eyes tenses up, covering his ears while bracing for the explosion but nothing happens, leaving him confused. He opens his eyes and realizes the sun hasn't set yet exactly.

"Heh, looks like we started a little early, let's try it again." Levy's voice is still heard and Gajeel swallows as he begins counting again. "Five... Four... Three..." At this point the sun sets and night comes in. Gajeel jumps as an explosion occurs on the other side of the brick wall, breaking it some but it's still holding. Gajeel tears up as he keeps counting. "Two... One..." he breaks down into a cry, losing a fellow member that he disliked but would miss. "Well... at least she was happy in the end. That was good..." He gets surprised as another explosion happens, this one causing the wall to topple and crush him as it fell.

Levy hadn't exploded and was standing there with a smile on her face as she waved her arms. "Solid Script: Bomb!" she says as she produces the word bomb in the air that was black in color and the 'O' was shaped like the classic spherical bomb with a lit fuse sitting out of the top. It then explodes, explaining where the explosion came from while Gajeel groans as he digs himself out from under his own wall. "Hey Gajeel, check this out! I just thought of a new spell!" she says excited and begins to show him her new spell but stops as she sees him babbling something impossible to understanding, like he was trying to say something.

"Gajeel, we already played babble like an idiot." Levy responds, which snaps Gajeel out of it as he finally speaks. "Why are you still here?" He yelled. Levy smiles as she pulls out her finished list. "Well, since the list is all done I decided to create a new one and ended up with this book." she throws aside the list and pulls out a huge book with the title 'Friends 4 Ever' on it. It also has a picture of Levy and Gajeel holding has as the real Gajeel looks at it in horror, realizing it was another list that would be similar to all the crap he had to go through today. "We should be able to finish by January if we work at it." Levy says as she opens in and looks it over.

"Forget the book!" Gajeel swats the book out of her hands and surprises her as he points a finger at her. "I spent my entire day with you, doing all kinds of dangerous, humiliating, and possibly life-threatening things because at sunset you're supposed to explode!" Levy raises a brow as she stares back at the fuming man. "You want me to explode?" she asks simply. "Yes, that's what I've been waiting for all day!" Gajeel yells again.

"Well, I can try..." Levy concentrates, trembling for a few seconds before putting a furious look on her face. "LUCY! YOU'RE GOING TO WRITE ME A GOOD BOOK AND YOU'RE GOING TO ENJOY IT THE WHOLE TIME!" she screams, panting a bit before breaking into giggles. "That was pretty fun. Now you try Gajeel." She smiles at Gajeel who just gets more ticked. "THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT YOU MORONIC BOOKWORM!" He yells while jumping up and down, the volume of his voice causing Levy's hair and clothes to blow back like she was being hit by a strong wind. She straightens out herself then claps. "That was a good one!"

"No! You're supposed to explode into a million pieces!" Gajeel shouts, bring a look of confusion on Levy's face.

"Wait... why would I do that?" Levy asks.

"Why? Because the pie you ate was a bomb! That's why?" Gajeel explains.

"Pie? What do mean pie? What pie?" Levy asks again, getting on Gajeel's nerves even more.

"The pie that I left on Mirajane's desk earlier today which I bought from pirate's for 2500 Jewels so that I wouldn't have to make you your gift and I didn't know it was a bomb, which you ate when you entered the busted room that exploded because a piece of the pie blew up after Mirajane dropped it on a bottle of milk when she tripped. That pie!" Gajeel pants after his long explanation, staring down at a terrified Levy as she tries to remember what he was talking about.

"Pie... Pie..." she scratches her head then hits realization. "Oh! You meant this pie!" she then pulls out a pie, the same one Gajeel bought earlier as he looks at it in shock. She never ate it to begin with? "I wanted to share it with you since you're so nice to give it to me so I was saving it in my pocket. Well, let's eat it then." she smiles as she approaches him only to trip on a rock that her foot hits which makes her throw the pie that then hits Gajeel in the face. **(Imagine that happening in slow motion.)**

Back in town everyone's attention was caught by the massive explosion that happened just on the outskirts of town as the blast lit up the sky, looking like the cloud of an atomic bomb. Back at the site of the explosion there was a crater that Gajeel and Levy were laying in now. Gajeel coughs and groans as he lays in agony. "Ouch..." To think that this all could've been avoided if he just got Levy her gift.

**_The End_**

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><p>That ends my third parody fic. To clear up some stuff the title of the spongebob episode was 'Dying for Pie' so you can look it up on Bing and find it if you want to watch it. One of my personal favorites really though I like all of the episodes.^^ Finally, for character selection...<p>

Levy and Gajeel: I planned to put Gajeel in it from the start, having him go though all sorts of stuff to make up for the person he ended up giving an explosive pie to. I soon after found Levy to be the perfect choice since they're a good pairing, plus her magic is good for the 'explosion' at the end. I can easily see Gajeel doing all sorts of stuff with her for her to be happy if he thought she was going to die.^^

Mirajane: More of a character to move things along. Can see her being angry at Gajeel's blunder and making up the day Gajeel dreaded.

Pirates: I just used that one group of pirates that appeared early in the anime. Nothing special but helped here.

Civilians: Thought it would be funnier if it was random civilians that Gajeel was being 'shown' to.

That's the last of it. For one final point this fic is something of a gift for the author Sovereign64, the one who inspired me to write parodies after reading some of his. I gave him some ideas for future fics and he pointed out this episode so this is something of a gift and a thank you to him for being my inspiration.^^ Let me know what you think and thank you for taking the time to read this fic.


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